So, I disappeared.
I had good reason, though, I promise. Or really reasons. Like: new job, change of address, family shiftings . . . and that's all on top of my preexisting #momlife and teaching dance fitness and all things She of the Wild.
Basically, I got really, really tired from all the new changes. Good changes, but still . . . exhausting ones.
And now? I'm trying to rest. To be gentle with myself. To live in the release of the exhalation rather than the active inhalation.
This is not easy for me (is it easy for any of us, really?). It is not my go-to mode. When things get hard, I tense up, muscle up, and try to bludgeon my way through to relief. Which has worked for me . . . sort of. But the older I get, the less effective it is, and I imagine that will only become more true the more years that I accumulate.
So I'm going rogue, taking the radical way -- I'm loosening my grip, unclenching my jaw, and exhaling. Like, a lot.
Last weekend I slept in more than I have in decades -- or at least, certainly since having children. Yesterday I spent a good portion of my day sitting and listening to the full soundtrack of Hamilton: The Musical (yum) -- but without doing anything else while I listened. I took days off exercise when my body needed it. I went to bed early (although you better believe that I'm staying up tonight to watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones).
I've been letting (read: trying to let) myself exhale, rather than holding my breath until some circumstance shifted toward ease. I choose the ease, as much as I could. Imperfectly, yes, but perfection is not the point.
SO. All this to say -- hi. It's me. I'm back, and trying to go gently while not giving up, which I was sorely tempted to do at times. Instead of running, I'm staying, but breathing, resting, exhaling, being.
How do you cope when it's hard and you just want to sleep through the hardness? I'd love to know. And, um, pick up a few tips. :)
p.s. Although I've been living in the exhale as much as possible, there are still a number of exciting She of the Wild updates I want to share with you. Check out what's been going on . . .